Do you desire love
and marriage? How should you prepare yourself?
by Tony L Tate
The rate of new love and marriages is rising as fast as the
divorce rate. That forces the question are people really
falling in love? If they are then why is the divorce rate
so high? Isnt love enough? Where is the commitment?
Love and marriage are still important to people. So what is
the deal? Why is the divorce rate still climbing?
Love and marriage happens everyday but thats not true
for every one. Perhaps most people dont really give
themselves a chance to fall in love for the right reasons.
One reason for this is that people dont really get to
know each other before having sex, making a commitment and
getting married, all in that wrong order. When a couple begins
dating both people are usually on there best behavior. In
other words they have put up a front or façade. This
can continue for a while. People dont really get to
see the actual character of a person sometimes until after
about a year or so. This is because during the dating phase
you wont get into situations together that will test what
you are made of.
How long before love and marriage should you date? How do
you know if you should make a commitment?
After about a year when the newness of the relationship is
wearing off couples begin to face more of lifes situations
together. They begin to see how one another react under stress
and handle situations outside the dating scene bubble. This
is time you should decide if love and marriage and a commitment
is what you want with this person. This is the time you will
find out what the other person is made of in tough situations.
If you have been able to abstain from sex in the relationship
you are better prepared to make clear good decisions. Sex
will cause you to overlook or ignore things that may be important
to you. Sex itself in not enough of a reason to get married.
Sex certainly can't hold it all together for you.
Love and marriage is one of the most important commitments
you will ever make. Abstinence is not a popular dating tip
for men and women these days, but it is a good dating tip.
From your first date until your last date, if you dont
marry, should be conducted with respect to each other. If
he/she is not willing to abstain with you he/she is probably
not the one you are looking for. If it turns out that you
are not compatible with the person you are seeing you should
leave the goods undamaged (emotional goods). That means you
should be able to get to know one another without making the
sexual connection so that if you get to the point where you
decide to end the relationship the emotional pain is minimized.
Sometimes couples end up getting married simply because they
have been having sex.
The plus side to arriving at love and marriage through getting
to know one another, and abstaining from sex is that you will
have been able to make sound decisions about your relationship
without the influence of sex. You will know what it is you
love about your mate and why you want to marry them. None
of your feelings of love will be rooted in sex.
Sex is a truly unstable foundation for a relationship because
it is not designed to be so. In love you have patience, kindness,
the absence of jealousy, pride and boastfulness. In love there
no rudeness. Love does not demand it's own way. Love is not
easily irritated and doesn't keep a record of wrongs done
against it. Love is never glad about injustice and always
rejoices when truth wins. Love never gives up. This is the
kind of strength you want as the foundation of a relationship.
If you have these things in place then after marriage sex
will function as the tool of intimacy it was meant to be.
Sex outside marriage
If however you find yourself engaging in sex before you see
the function of true love, and, before marriage you will have
tainted any chance of ever knowing for sure if you are getting
married for the right reasons. You can' t be sure if your
new mate will be faithful to you.
Sex is a powerful connection meant for marriage. Outside of
marriage it has the power to destroy relationships instead
of enhancing them. How many marriages have ended because of
infidelity? Sex can be addictive. How many people do you know
who have developed such a taste for sex before marriage that
they can't be faithful to the person they are married to?
Remaining abstinent will help you determine if you are with
a person who is in control of him/herself.
Love and marriage is not for the faint hearted. It is hard
enough to build a relationship and keep your commitment. So,
why dont you begin your time together the right way?
Give your relationship time. Abstain from sex outside of marriage
in order to keep your ability to make clear and right decisions
about the relationship. In doing so you will ensure that you
are getting married for the right reason - the stable foundation
of love and not the unstable foundation of sex.
About the Author
Tony is a regular contributer to On line dating. If you would
like to see more articles by Tony Tate visite: http://www.1-on-line-dating.com.